Leaping more than 2 months from my previous post; welcome new year (February but still not too late), welcome new semester. It's been a few weeks since new semester has begun. I'm quite busy throughout the semester break as I was not in Malaysia. We went for umrah, alhamdulillah everything went well. Gonna make a special post for it soon,
Anyways, how's school guys? How's life? Is it good? I hope it is. Mine has gone a little bit topsy-turvy, but so far it's good. The progression on my studies, growth in the volunteerism, with the deen, with the family, with friends, with the country.
Tak sekarang ni aku mengantuk. Nanti sambung.
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20200313; Fri; 0146
I was in KL writing the first part, I was invited under the Altruistik Malaysia as the partner. A Global Peace Summit done for the fourth time. It was the first time for me tho and the last. Well that's not the main point actually,
I wanted to tell everyone how did I feel every single day. But I think it's useless anyway.
Idk whether I should be happy or sad. I have 3 days packed with classes, and have 4 days free. I was both in hectic and have nothing to do in the same time.
Being distracted for three days doesn't change anything. The emotions are still there, the feeling is always going on strong. Nothing will alternate the hideous fact that it exists. Being busy is a way to make us forget but the severity is that it's still happening in the midst of it. - Me
I couldn't remember when is the last time I'm being myself. I thought I'm living the way I am, but I don't. I'm surviving, that's it. It came to me that my person told me that I'm doing it properly. I cried. Since I was small, I've always listen to people saying that I'm not good enough in everything. The bitch me couldn't care less about what they thought whether it's bad or not. But being more than twenty years old, I fail to control my tears. Recklessly, they run down for many times and never get bored. I was almost seventeen when I worked so hard studying for the major exam, I fell sick so many times, gastritis, migraine. You name it. I couldn't count the phases. It's too much.
I am more than twenty years old, but still some question my everything. Of course, I'm never too good for everything. There this one time when I thought of quitting everything. I thought of removing every single thing away from my life. I want to stop trying, I want to stop living so hard, I want to stop listening to my voices that never stop confusing and depressing me. It's too much. I've no one to talk to. Or maybe I do, I just don't trust them yet/ anymore.
Another,
