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| Narcissus. |
I tried, I moved on, and I was already happy when they came back. And I strongly said no, I was so firm with what I believed. But my emotions failed me. Seven months along the way, I found myself crying, begging so that I could happily let this go. For, whatever it is, maybe we fell too deep inside, maybe we should never begin at all. I pushed them away, tortured them with my words, but they never failed to make me leave.
But somehow day by day, I can sense everything is fading away. Nothing amuses them anymore, no more longing, no more loving, or so to say. Sometimes I cried alone, because all I ever wanted was to be able to let go.
I regret. For letting them in. For trying to help them. I hate having too much empathy in myself. The moment when they returned, my mind was being pathetic "It's okay, stay with them for a while. We can help them, surely we aren't catching feelings anymore", it kept running these words of empathy "Look how they were so vulnerable in front of you, that, is how much they trusted you" Bro what is this..
Maybe we aren't catching feelings. We can try to help as we can right? But what if the past's ignited?
Well, I thought I secured myself.
I didn't.
These days, I notice they didn't want anything anymore, maybe they already sucked everything out until everything runs dry. Or maybe, because I treated them harshly in the beginning, and finally they were already tired of me.
Whatever the reason is, I hope I can finally let go. I hope I can leave, with no regrets.
Maybe, when I'm ready to let it go, I can simply say that we have nothing to begin with, so why bother crying? We have no ties at all, this won't hurt that much right?
Deep down, I know I am still gonna get hurt. I am still going to cry, buckets. Even rn.
"It's okay, we don't have anything going on between us"
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